Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The storm was building last week with a weather forecast of bleak, touches of frustration, building to sever eruption on Sunday night. Saturday was a good indication it was getting close with the recommendation to family that they seek shelter. Take bread and water and bunker down for when it hits, it's not going to be pretty. Hurricane Hormones struck land around 7.30pm last night and the wave of destruction was instantly felt by those in the vacinity.
So what led to the impact? In the previous week, I had struggled with client meetings, trip to specialist, naturopath, doctor plus the usual school and home goodies. Throw in some extra concerns about health and you have the perfect storm. Last night came the eruption of a week of worry, frustration, angst and so much more. The tears poured after what felt like another struggle and I retreated to my bedroom saying I can't do this anymore. After a couple of minutes, I decided to head outside into the dark for some quiet time alone. As I sat outside looking at the moon, tear rolling down my cheeks, I asked God, "why?" I don't want to be like this, I don't want to be wound up and stressed - I have forgotten how to relax. The brain is always thinking of what I could, should, would, can and won't do.
Within a few minutes the moon disappeared and as I continued to sit there in the dark looking at the sky, a shadow appeared where the moon was. It was the outline of an angel. At the same time the song, "How can I keep from singing your praise" enters my head. It is then that I realise that I am not alone and that there is a peace to be found in amongst all this. This shadow was there for about 5 minutes or so and then slowly faded.
Today, is a new day. I must make changes within myself and find ways to relax and switch off. I don't have to save the world or build a global empire. I have to learn to let go, to say 'no' and let others find their own way without taking on their problems. It won't be easy but it is possible. So today, I am setting a new direction now that Hurricane Hormones has disappated into light rain. With help, the Hurricane will never reach the height that it did last night. With help, the Hurricanes will come and go but never tip the boat over again. With peace, the seas will remain calm and all will return to what they should be within myself.
If you have a hurricane heading your way, take a step back and make the changes you need to protect yourself and those you love. Sometimes its not easy to make the changes that are needed. I know for me, it is going to take effort and conscious decisions to change my mindset and refocus but it can be done because I am not the only one on the job. God is walking with me every step and I just have to let go and stay in the calm waters.
I will be the first to admit it. Coffee is my friend. It may not be my best friend but it sure comes close some days. You know the ones, the days where simply opening your eyes is a chore. The ones that you can feel from the moment your feet hit the floor that it is going to be like bootcamp for the next 16 hours until you're comfortably curled up in bed once again.
It is in these days that I find solace at the bottom of the cup. Now sometimes it is not really days, perhaps mere moments where everything becomes too much. Where rescuing just one more odd sock from the jaws of the dog is too much. Days when the shop assistant really should have offered you a neck and shoulder massage rather than informing you that a carrier pidgeon would have a better chance of getting that urgent order here on time.
We all have meltdown moments where the smallest thing is disasterous, the world as you know it has no meaning and that rock in your backyard looks like the best place to crawl under and hide from the rest of the world. It is easy to lose your cool and you pity the poor person who is in the wrong place at the wrong time, for they are on the receiving end of an outburst of frustration that would put you as a hot contender for an Oscar.
It's okay. These moments happen and sometimes they are spectacular. Whatever the reason, whatever the frustration, whatever the problem, while it may knock you down you need to get back up. From one who has been there, accept that you have had your 'meltdown moment', gather yourself and rise above. Now, for my family it means pour mum a coffee, give her space and eventually she will be mum again.