Thursday, October 4, 2012
Wishing you were here
I was only 18 months old when you left. One morning you were there, you went to work and then never came home. For me, I didn't understand the why. I was way too young to even realise what had happened. All I knew as a child was that my Dad, was here one day and gone the next. It wasn't by choice. Your time here with us had to end.
Growing up and even now as an adult, I often wonder 'what if'? What if you were still here? What would you be doing with your grandchildren? Would you be proud of me? Would we spend time together? There is so much I want to tell you, show you and share with you.
I want to show you my achievements. I want to hear your laugh. I want to see you spend time with your grandchildren and teach them what you know. I want to hug you and tell you how much you meant to me.
Over the years there have been many tears shed and many moment spent in wishful thinking. Reality is that it will never be. My memories of you are made from stories told by family and recollections of your friends. There is one precious memory though, that message you wrote when I was scribbling on a piece of paper. You remember, you wrote... "I love you".
Life can seem so cruel to a young child. One who grew up with no self-confidence and clinging to her mother's apron in fear of losing her too.
I do hope that one day I get to see you again. I get to wrap my arms around you and share with you all the amazing things that have happened and how I have been blessed in this life.