Wednesday, April 17, 2013

When the hurt and sadness overwhelms

The tears well up until the eyes cannot hold them back any longer. You sit curled up in the corner of your room, clinging to the last ounce of self-worth that is in you.  In your mind you are wishing, longing, hoping that what is happening is not real.  That somehow you will wake up and this will all have been a dream.... a bad dream.

Life is not always easy.  I recently watched my son go through a relationship breakdown.  It was heartwrenching as a parent to watch this precious child of yours who you love with all your heart, crumble as the one they loved so dearly, pulls away from them.  You watch them like a hawk, anxiously monitoring their moves, their mood and their headspace. You can see and feel their pain.  You wish you could take it away and bear it on their behalf.  However you know that they must endure this to grow.  When they emerge, they will be stronger, more resilient and will have connected more with their inner self than ever before.  What he thought he wanted was gone.  As the days and weeks passed by, I cried an ocean of tears for my boy.  I wanted to scoop him up like I did when he was little and scrapped his leg.   To wrap my arms around him and tell him it will be okay.  There were moments when I did.  Times when he was so broken and the emotions so raw and deep, that all he wanted was comfort.  Nights where I hovered in protection mode, cuddled him in the lowest times and encouraged him to replace the negative thoughts with those of a positive future.

A few years ago a sudden change on the job front was the trigger for me.  Unemployed and struggling to come to terms with what I had deemed an utter and disasterous failure on my behalf.  I blamed myself for so much and thought that I had absolutely nothing to offer this world.  Now, I am so passionate about a new direction for my life that I cannot wait for the day to start and am full of excitement and anticipation of what lies ahead.

If you are struggling right now in your life, hang on.   Triggers can be relationship breakdowns, loss of your job, death of a loved one, feelings of hopelessness and many more.   Whatever you face, I am here to tell you there is hope, there is a light shining and leading the way.  

However, to reach the other side you must take action.  You have to fight.  This battle is against your mind and while you allow it to keep you in the negative, the darkness has won.  I shared with my son how I beat the darkness and I would love to share it with you.   It takes courage and determination but it can be done...

1.  LET GO - one of the hardest things to do but it is the only way you can move forward.  You have to come to the point where you let go of the past.  To do this, you may need to remove reminders that twist the knife until you are stronger.   This might be a gift or photo that just brings back the hurt and reminds you constantly of what was.   In some cases, you may need to cut communication channels with those who are at the centre of the hurt.  The more your think about them or try to remain in contact, the longer the hurt stays.  Accept that in our lives there are seasons and some seasons must pass.  Look forward and focus on the future rather than trying to hang on to the fragments of yesterday.

2.  FORGIVE - over time learn to forgive those who hurt you.  Understand that forgiveness gives you freedom and release.  It helps you to move past the hurt, the grief, the pain and find a new perspective on life.

3.  BE POSITIVE - fill your world with positivity and surround yourself with people and things that are positive in your life.  Hang with your friends, kick back with your favourite music, pull out that long forgotten favourite hobby and get back into it.   Replace what was with what can be. 

4. CHERISH FAMILY & FRIENDS - your precious friends are here to help and support you.  Sometimes they will tell you things you don't want to hear.  They will be honest with you and they do it to help you.  Take on board what they tell you.

5.  BELIEVE - that God did not put you on this earth to be miserable.  He wants you to be fulfilled and loving life.  However, he knows that there will come times when you will be challenged and you may end up questioning yourself on the deepest level.  From challenging times comes growth.  This is when we can truely discover ourselves and what we are capable of.    God allows you to experience the lows for he knows that it is from these points that we learn the most, we grow and we allow him to mould us.  I remember coming to a point where I said 'enough' and I made a promise to myself that I would not allow self-pity, fear, self-doubt to rule my life any longer.  I believed I was made for greater things than that and this was my time to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix and fly higher than ever before.

6.  SEEK HELP - if you are feeling overwhelmed by all that has happened and are struggling to pick up the pieces and rebuild, seek professional help.  Do not be ashamed to admit that you cannot do this on you own.  Having a non-biased professional to talk with can be one of the best things for releasing the pain, the hurt and overcoming the underlying issues that are keeping you in the pit of despair.
A few months on and I have a different child.  My son is returning and I can see a spring in his step, a cheekiness in his smile and the spark is there in his eyes.  It has been one heck of a rollercoaster ride but I am so proud of how he has worked through his feelings, the emotion and come out the otherside with a positive outlook for his future.    I cannot express how amazed I am at his transformation from misery to happiness.

You can too...just hang on, trust that you will come through this and if you need it, please, please, please,  seek professional help to work through the thoughts, emotions and get strategies on how to cope through this season of change.


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