When the hurt and sadness overwhelms

The tears well up until the eyes cannot hold them back any longer. You sit curled up in the corner of your room, clinging to the last ounce of self-worth that is in you.  In your mind you are wishing, longing, hoping that what is happening is not real.  That somehow you will wake up and this will all have been a dream.... a bad dream.

Life is not always easy.  I recently watched my son go through a relationship breakdown.  It was heartwrenching as a parent to watch this precious child of yours who you love with all your heart, crumble as the one they loved so dearly, pulls away from them.  You watch them like a hawk, anxiously monitoring their moves, their mood and their headspace. You can see and feel their pain.  You wish you could take it away and bear it on their behalf.  However you know that they must endure this to grow.  When they emerge, they will be stronger, more resilient and will have connected more with their inner self than ever before.  What he thought he wanted was gone.  As the days and weeks passed by, I cried an ocean of tears for my boy.  I wanted to scoop him up like I did when he was little and scrapped his leg.   To wrap my arms around him and tell him it will be okay.  There were moments when I did.  Times when he was so broken and the emotions so raw and deep, that all he wanted was comfort.  Nights where I hovered in protection mode, cuddled him in the lowest times and encouraged him to replace the negative thoughts with those of a positive future.

A few years ago a sudden change on the job front was the trigger for me.  Unemployed and struggling to come to terms with what I had deemed an utter and disasterous failure on my behalf.  I blamed myself for so much and thought that I had absolutely nothing to offer this world.  Now, I am so passionate about a new direction for my life that I cannot wait for the day to start and am full of excitement and anticipation of what lies ahead.

If you are struggling right now in your life, hang on.   Triggers can be relationship breakdowns, loss of your job, death of a loved one, feelings of hopelessness and many more.   Whatever you face, I am here to tell you there is hope, there is a light shining and leading the way.  

However, to reach the other side you must take action.  You have to fight.  This battle is against your mind and while you allow it to keep you in the negative, the darkness has won.  I shared with my son how I beat the darkness and I would love to share it with you.   It takes courage and determination but it can be done...

1.  LET GO - one of the hardest things to do but it is the only way you can move forward.  You have to come to the point where you let go of the past.  To do this, you may need to remove reminders that twist the knife until you are stronger.   This might be a gift or photo that just brings back the hurt and reminds you constantly of what was.   In some cases, you may need to cut communication channels with those who are at the centre of the hurt.  The more your think about them or try to remain in contact, the longer the hurt stays.  Accept that in our lives there are seasons and some seasons must pass.  Look forward and focus on the future rather than trying to hang on to the fragments of yesterday.

2.  FORGIVE - over time learn to forgive those who hurt you.  Understand that forgiveness gives you freedom and release.  It helps you to move past the hurt, the grief, the pain and find a new perspective on life.

3.  BE POSITIVE - fill your world with positivity and surround yourself with people and things that are positive in your life.  Hang with your friends, kick back with your favourite music, pull out that long forgotten favourite hobby and get back into it.   Replace what was with what can be. 

4. CHERISH FAMILY & FRIENDS - your precious friends are here to help and support you.  Sometimes they will tell you things you don't want to hear.  They will be honest with you and they do it to help you.  Take on board what they tell you.

5.  BELIEVE - that God did not put you on this earth to be miserable.  He wants you to be fulfilled and loving life.  However, he knows that there will come times when you will be challenged and you may end up questioning yourself on the deepest level.  From challenging times comes growth.  This is when we can truely discover ourselves and what we are capable of.    God allows you to experience the lows for he knows that it is from these points that we learn the most, we grow and we allow him to mould us.  I remember coming to a point where I said 'enough' and I made a promise to myself that I would not allow self-pity, fear, self-doubt to rule my life any longer.  I believed I was made for greater things than that and this was my time to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix and fly higher than ever before.

6.  SEEK HELP - if you are feeling overwhelmed by all that has happened and are struggling to pick up the pieces and rebuild, seek professional help.  Do not be ashamed to admit that you cannot do this on you own.  Having a non-biased professional to talk with can be one of the best things for releasing the pain, the hurt and overcoming the underlying issues that are keeping you in the pit of despair.

A few months on and I have a different child.  My son is returning and I can see a spring in his step, a cheekiness in his smile and the spark is there in his eyes.  It has been one heck of a rollercoaster ride but I am so proud of how he has worked through his feelings, the emotion and come out the otherside with a positive outlook for his future.    I cannot express how amazed I am at his transformation from misery to happiness.

You can too...just hang on, trust that you will come through this and if you need it, please, please, please,  seek professional help to work through the thoughts, emotions and get strategies on how to cope through this season of change.

Love,

All I Ever Have to Be

Have you ever wondered what your purpose on earth is?  Have you ever really tried to understand why God made you the way you are?  I have, I do and have been doing so for the past few years.

As a child I had dreams, many of which where played out in childhood games.  I believe these dreams are our deepest desires coming to the surface.  It could be marriage and kids, travel, adventure or performing to the masses, whatever it was, it is part of you.

Over the past 3 years, I have asked myself lots of questions. Some I have found answers for and others, well, I am still searching and analysing.  Last night as I cooked tea for my hungry tribe, some words of a song that I haven't heard for years, came into the head.  "All I ever have to be is what you made me" - a song by Amy Grant from my years of youth.  Wow, where on earth did that come from?  It then dawned on me.  That is my answer.  

I now start to realise that I don't have to be what everyone else expects me to be.  I don't have to comply with what others may suggest is the right thing for me.  I don't have to be a certain way, I don't have to act like this or that.  What I do need to do is to be me.  Simply, utterly, completely me.  Just the way that God intended.  Where that leads, what comes as part of that journey is absoutely, totally fine.  

Being authentic and true to yourself is not always easy, particularly when you question who 'you' are.  For some of us, it can be a lifelong search and I think there is the risk that we will miss so much if we keep our head in this space for too long.  We will miss the magic of moments, the joy of life and the beauty that surrounds us in the form of family, friends and life in general. 

Sometimes I think we search too hard for answers.  We feel the need to be able to see years ahead but that is not real.  We can plan for the future and anticipate what might happen however,  we will never be able to see everything that lies ahead.  If your quest to discover yourself is in full steam or just leaving the station, can I ask you to do one thing?  Take a seat near the window and remember to look out and enjoy the view.  At every station, get out, stretch your legs and immerse yourself in your surroundings.  Whatever you do, don't stay sitting in your carriage wishing that you could be part of what was going on outside.  Stop over analysing and actually accept that all you have to be is who God made you to be. 

Regards,

Need a guest speaker?  Read more about how you can engage Lynnelle to speak at your next womens event www.lynnellerichardson.com.au

Restless Soul

It is there. It does not leave. It taunts my mind, tests my patience, tosses my soul as though it is a feather in the breeze.  Continually challenging my thoughts and pushing me to seek more.  I am tired, exhausted from this constant searching to find my way.  After years of searching at times it feels as though I am no closer.  I feel just as far away as I have always been.  Who is me?  Why has God put me here?  What do I have to offer this world?

The problem is that I can do so much.  The ideas whiz around the head with a multitude of possible directions to take.   This morning I have prayed for this ongoing restlessness to cease.  The constant search is exhausting - mentally, emotionally and physically.

Today, I started the day differently.  I chose to start with fresh air and sunshine in the hope that I may be inspired by such glorious spring weather.  Clear the mind and renew the senses!  I returned home to a hot cuppa and devotion and as I opened my bible to Job here come these words...

Job  33:14 "For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it."

and then...

Job 33:  31 - 33 "Pay attention, Job and listen to me; be silent, and I will speak.  If you have anything to say, answer me, speak up, for I want you to be cleared.  But if not, then listen to me, be silent and I will teach you wisdom."

How often we feel the need to control our direction when perhaps what we need is simply to listen.  To stop analysing and searching and wait for the answer.  'Ask and you shall receive' we are told however, I probably often ask but then Little Miss Impatient shows up and forgets about the waiting to receive.  

This amazing God who knows so much more than I do, can handle so much more than I can and who is so loving, forgiving and generous.  I know that His plan is better than mine ever could be and that when I go off on my wild, outlandish dreams, he is there to reign me in and bring me back on track with gentle hands and love.  Perhaps this is my time to sit down, be quiet, listen and continue the rediscovery!

Cheers,

 

Another Cup fo Life Please

Every morning I enjoy a cup of coffee. The first one of the day is always the best and with my ever faithful Nespresso machine, I select the level of caffeine hit required, heat up some milk, then sit back and enjoy the end result.

In life, it isn't quite as simple. We cannot select our life, we have opportunties but not always choices. We do not choose to have cancer, heart attacks, forced transfers or even disabilities. We can however choose how we deal with the events as they unfold.

I remember when my husband had a heart attack (he was only 43) - it certainly wasn't what he chose nor was it my choice, we had no control over the situation. It was one that we had to deal with, face the fear, trust the doctors, trust God more and wait. In that situation we could have chosen to crumble or rise to the challenge. As I waited during his surgery, I prayed and I cried. It was a time that I will never forget and there were many beautiful and emotional moments with my God as I relied on him like never before.

If we could just brew up the perfect life, I believe it would be one of weakness. How many of us would actually welcome adversity. Not many I suspect. Yes, life can be tough but from adversity comes growth and from challenge comes strength. Be they life changing moments or coping with changes in life - it all has purpose. The challenges and adversity are our 'caffeine hit' that bring the deepest parts of our being to life.

As another year comes to a close and new one starts, lets remember that in life we need strength. So instead of another half strength flat white, let's make it full strength. My prayer for you is that you embrace the challenge, discover new strengths and become resilient and confident no matter what comes your way in 2012.

Cheers,
Lynnelle

Winds of Change

Change. Do you go with the flow or resist? Do you fight change with every breath in your body or do you accept and move on? Change is inevitable. It will happen today, tomorrow and always. Change sweeps through a workplace, a home, a life. It can be life changing, frustrating or motivating.

I read once that it is all about the Cheese. When the cheese moves we need to move too, just like the mouse. This little nose can sniff out the cheese no matter where it goes to. It acknowledges that the cheese is no longer where it was and that to find the cheese, one must move.

Change comes in many different forms and what initially can be upsetting for some can turn to opportunity. A few years ago my cheese moved. It was unplanned, unexpected and unwanted at the time. As a result I was shaken and stirred into action. An action that would not have happened if the cheese did not move. As I look back now I can see that the moving of the cheese brought opportunity not loss. It was a period of growth (however difficult at times) and has opened doors towards a future that would not be there had I stayed in the same place, doing the same thing. I was in a rut, I needed to escape but was unable to make that decision so God made the decision for me.

In the book "Fearless" written by Max Lucado (my absolute favourite author), he speaks of how God changes our assignments. In doing so he is preparing us to change the world. Isn't that exciting! If you are experiencing change or feel that change is in the wind...don't be afraid. Embrace it and enjoy it as the winds of change sweep through your life. While you may not see purpose at the time, remember that God has everything under control. Just sit back and wait for the new direction that is enfolding for your life.

Photo from: Dipity.com