Tuesday, September 4, 2012
It is there. It does not leave. It taunts my mind, tests my patience, tosses my soul as though it is a feather in the breeze. Continually challenging my thoughts and pushing me to seek more. I am tired, exhausted from this constant searching to find my way. After years of searching at times it feels as though I am no closer. I feel just as far away as I have always been. Who is me? Why has God put me here? What do I have to offer this world?
The problem is that I can do so much. The ideas whiz around the head with a multitude of possible directions to take. This morning I have prayed for this ongoing restlessness to cease. The constant search is exhausting - mentally, emotionally and physically.
Today, I started the day differently. I chose to start with fresh air and sunshine in the hope that I may be inspired by such glorious spring weather. Clear the mind and renew the senses! I returned home to a hot cuppa and devotion and as I opened my bible to Job here come these words...
Job 33:14 "For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it."
Job 33: 31 - 33 "Pay attention, Job and listen to me; be silent, and I will speak. If you have anything to say, answer me, speak up, for I want you to be cleared. But if not, then listen to me, be silent and I will teach you wisdom."
How often we feel the need to control our direction when perhaps what we need is simply to listen. To stop analysing and searching and wait for the answer. 'Ask and you shall receive' we are told however, I probably often ask but then Little Miss Impatient shows up and forgets about the waiting to receive.
This amazing God who knows so much more than I do, can handle so much more than I can and who is so loving, forgiving and generous. I know that His plan is better than mine ever could be and that when I go off on my wild, outlandish dreams, he is there to reign me in and bring me back on track with gentle hands and love. Perhaps this is my time to sit down, be quiet, listen and continue the rediscovery!